quote of the day

"I swear that man worries more about vaginas and who is sleeping with whom than any normal person should." - Helen on Rick Santorum (the dude who might be president and thinks that people being allowed to be openly gay in the military is ruining the US economy).

Lady's got a point, don't you think?

bachelorettes be frightened

I don't know if you've heard, but The Bachelor is coming to Canada and their kicking off their casting tour here in Vancouver. Naturally, the first thing I did when I saw a tweet about this was announce it to my coworker, and the first thing she did was dare me to enter.

Flush with visions of being like Jane Goodall amongst the chimpanzees, I started in on the applications form. Think how fun it would be to get an inside look at their casting process and to see how long I could last with all those catty ladies! Then I got an "inside look" at the terms you have to agree to as an applicant and I ran for the high hills. Now I'm sharing them with you, or the juicy bits anyways. No point in sharing the boring, regular eligibility stuff (although, fun fact, did you know you can't participate if you're a candidate for political office? I didn't!)

9. Each applicant acknowledges, understands and agrees that Producer may disclose any information contained within or derived from his or her application to third persons connected with the Program and to compile information from third parties in connection with such application and the application process about applicant's private, personal and public life, personal relationships with third persons, confidences and secrets with family, friends, significant others, including without limitation: physical appearance; personal characteristics/habits (both physical and mental); medical treatment/history (both physical and mental); sexual history; educational and employment history; military history; criminal investigations, charges and records; personal views and opinions about life, the world, politics, religion, and the like (collectively, "Personal Information"). Applicant acknowledges and agrees that Producer may reveal such Personal Information to third parties in the course of the application process and/or the Program and that Applicant releases, discharges, and holds harmless Companies (as defined below) from any and all claims and damages arising from such compilation or disclosure of Personal Information.

Emphasis added. They can give allllllll your dirt to whoever they want and then its not their fault if that person does something sketchy with it. Good to know.

10. Each applicant acknowledges, understands and agrees that he or she, if chosen as a bachelor or bachelorette on the Program, may be audio and/or video taped twenty-four (24) hours a day, seven (7) days a week while participating in the Program by means of open and hidden cameras, whether or not he or she is then aware that he or she is being videotaped or recorded (collectively, "Recordings") and that such Recordings may be disseminated on television and/or all media now known or hereafter devised, in any and all manner throughout the Universe in perpetuity.

Being taped 24/7 is to be expected on these kinds of shows but is still sort of creepy, right?

11. Applicants acknowledge, understand, and agree that Companies’ (as defined below) use or revelation of Personal Information and Recordings as defined in these Eligibility Requirements may be embarrassing, unfavorable, humiliating, and/or derogatory and/or may portray him or her in a false light. Each applicant agrees to release, discharge and hold harmless the Companies from any and all claims (including, without limitation, claims for slander, libel, defamation, violation of rights of privacy, publicity, personality, and/or civil rights, depiction in a false light, intentional or negligent infliction of emotional distress, copyright infringement, and/or any other tort and/or damages arising from or in any way relating to the submission of a Participant Application, participation in the selection process, participation in the Program, the use of the Personal Information or Recordings and/or the use of the applicant's name, voice, and/or likeness in connection with the Program, or the promotion thereof in all media now known or hereafter devised. Applicants are required to sign Releases to this effect. "Companies" as used herein shall collectively mean BCAN Media Inc., Force Four Entertainment Inc., Rogers Media Inc., NZK Productions, Inc., Next Entertainment, American Broadcasting Companies, Inc., all subsidiaries affiliates, parents, and divisions thereof and of The Walt Disney Company, Telepictures Productions, Inc., all other subsidiaries and divisions of Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc., Time Warner Inc., all advertising, promotional and judging agencies, Program broadcaster and distributors and all other companies associated with the production, administration and/or exhibition of the Program and/or any of their respective licensees, assigns, parents, affiliated and subsidiary companies, divisions and joint venture partners, and each of their respective employees, officers, directors and agents.

The best part is the second bolded part - you give them permission to intentionally cause you emotional distress. Really, ladies? You're signing off to this?

14. All applicants must authorize Producer to conduct a background check, which may include, without limitation, a credit check, a military records check, a criminal arrest and/or conviction check, a civil litigation check, a family court litigation check, a medical exam, a psychological exam interviews with employers, neighbors, teachers, etc. All applicants must sign the attached Authorization to Release Personal and Confidential Records and Information.

Fun fact: I know some people who have applied to various police forces. A big part of that is, obviously, background checks including random home inspections and interviews with your neighbour growing up, teachers, family, ex-girlfriends (one can only hope!), etc. When it comes to my hometown defenders, I like the idea of a thorough background search. This is reality television, for Pete's sake, and they're going to ask your neighbours about what time you come and go at night. And then they're going to own whatever information they get about you.

19. Upon Producer's request, all Semi-Finalists, Finalists, the Bachelor(s) and/or Bachelorette(s) must agree to sign any additional releases or authorizations that Producer, in its sole discretion, deems necessary.

Here's the thing about this one: you are agreeing that in the future you will sign anything else the producers ask you to sign. Ummmm..... no.

24. I hereby grant to Producer and Rogers Media Inc. the unconditional right throughout the universe in perpetuity to use, simulate or portray (and to authorize others to do so) my name, application, likeness (whether photographic, video or otherwise), voice, personality, personal identification or personal experiences, my life story, biographical data, incidents, situations and events which heretofore occurred or hereafter occur, in or in connection with the Program (or any episode or portion thereof) and the advertising, promoting or publicizing of the Program or any Program episode by Producer, or its programming services, and in connection with any merchandising, whether or not related to the Program (including without limitation, any commercial tie-ins), any sponsor of the Program, and the advertising, promotion, endorsement and distribution of the Program, as well the advertising, promotion and publicizing of the Producer, or any television station or other media outlet that broadcasts or otherwise exhibits or exploits the Program, by Produce or any of its programming services, and in any other manner whatsoever (including, without limitation, as a direct endorsement of any product or service) as Producer or Rogers Media Inc. may elect in its sole discretion.

Go on the Bachelor and they get the right not only to use any footage they have of you for the rest of time (something that is understandable, but super disturbing if you actually think about what that could mean for the rest of your life), but to simulate you and your entire life story, sexual history, and anything else that happens in connection with the show! DUDE! Once you sign this you give them the right to intentionally impersonate you in any way even if it ruins your life! And they can authorize anyone else to do it too! Unconditionally. Through the universe. For the rest of time. That means if we colonize another planet in another solar system, they still own your face THERE. Personally, I like owning my own face, thank you very much.

So, suffice it to say, I shall not be one of the hopeful bachelorettes competing for some young buck's rose. While I understand why they might have some of these stipulations, I sure don't want to sign my name to them! And now I feel totally justified in judging anyone who does participate just a little more harshly. Because I'm that kind of person.

PHX vs. YVR

Wondering what the difference is between the airport in Vancouver and the airport in Phoenix? I'll tell you:

The airport in Phoenix is ugly. The airport in Vancouver is not.

I feel so elitist being here.

A case of the Mondays

Is it bad that I watch myself in this and think that I'm probably the funniest person in the world? (With the assistance of Alison and Brad of course - even the funniest person in the world needs a support and inspiration network).



Back story: this video was inspired by Brad who posted a video from 30 Rock on my wall that ends with a teeny tiny clip of Liz Lemon walking kinda like that down the hall. I commented that I loved her walk. Brad suggested I test it out at the office (where I was at the time). I did it. Reported back that it was a success. Brad wanted evidence. Alison took a video of me doing it again. We posted it online. Hilarity ensued FOR THE REST OF TIME.

kyoto or bust!

Okay, I know that the government breaking their promises is pretty much the norm, but it still gets my ire up.  This morning I sat down at my computer to see the headline "Peter Kent pulls Canada out of Kyoto" and I felt that burst of fire in my belly.  My government's idiocy when it comes to the environment is just as frustrating for me as their indifference when it comes to the arts.  So, in the true spirit of this modern age, I wrote an email to Mr. Kent, CC'ing my MP, and am now posting it here for "the world" to read.

Dear Minister Kent,

I just read the unfortunate news that you have decided to pull Canada out of the Kyoto Agreement. I am very dismayed by this news.

It is my understanding that you never really tried to meet Canada's Kyoto targets (although, to be fair, your predecessors, the Liberals, never did either), and now you are walking away because it is too hard. That is the worst kind of defeatism I have ever heard and sends a horrible lesson to the citizens of our country that we should set goals, make promises, make no effort to keep them, and then abandon them.

It is also my understanding that you don't want to participate in an agreement to reduce greenhouse gases that doesn't include other nations that are major contributors to global pollution. The idea that it's only worth making an effort if other countries are doing the same tells me that I shouldn't bother trying to follow the laws because there are career criminals out there breaking more laws than I ever would. It also tells me that children shouldn't bother standing up to bullies because every other child on the playground isn't making an effort.

Your government speaks often of Canada being a world leader. You do realize that leaders do things FIRST - they don't wait for everyone else to agree to a course of action before they do it.

The message you are sending, not only to Canadians, but to the world is that you should only do the right thing if it's easy and if everyone else is doing it. Fighting climate change is not only the right thing to do, it is the necessary thing to do. It is possible that the Kyoto Protocol is not the best way to fight global warming. If you feel that is the case, then I trust you are ready to announce a new, improved plan that is both realistic and actionable, and I look forward to hearing it.

the "oil method" sounds gross, is great

I have exciting news for everyone!  I have discovered the best gosh darn skin care regimen on the planet!  It's grossly named "The Oil Method" because it (grossly sounding) involves rubbing oil all over your face.

Disclaimer: I have always had terrible skin.  Oily, shiny, bumpy, and spotty, my teenage years were full of visits to the doctor to find a way to wipe my filmy face clean.  Apparently this means I will have less wrinkly skin when I get older, but for the time being it is inconvenient.  I have been encouraged to try oil for skin care in the past and flat out rejected it because, DUH, a shortage of oil is not my problem!

Then my dear friend with porcelain skin told me she was trying the Oil Method of skin care and loving the results.  I was skeptical, but she explained to me how it worked (something past proponents of oil could never do):

• It's a mixture of castor oil and a second "carrier oil" (she uses almond, I use extra virgin olive)
• The castor oil is the key - it is the ingredient that binds to oil and draws it out of your skin
• Unlike the hoo-has who told me to use oil in the past, this does not involve slathering oil on your skin and leaving it there, but massaging oil into your skin and then steaming it off which has the benefit of actually pulling oil and ickiness out of your skin
• It follows the principle that "like attracts like" - oil based products will better adhere to oil and remove it, something I remember as true from grade 11 chemistry (Hey Mr. Ianone!  You were right!  Chemistry is helping me in my adulthood!)

I was convinced!  I tried it!  IT WORKS!

Admission: I do not yet have porcelain skin.  I still have some little breakouts, but I know that those are at least in part due to the fact that I keep sitting at my desk with my face in my hands and hands are gross and should never touch your face.  What has changed is that the quality of my feels much nicer, the colouring seems to be evening out, AND the little breakouts I do have stay small, manageable, and much less noticeable, as opposed to stubborn red eruptions all over my face.  I am confident that it will slowly turn my in to the porcelain skinned goddess I have always dreamed of being and that my life will become perfect.

HOW DO YOU DO IT YOU ASK?  (Yes, you are yelling, because you are excited like me.)

1. Go buy some castor oil.  You can find it at a drug store.
2. Choose your carrier oil.  Like I said, I like extra virgin olive oil mostly because it's easy to find and cheap.  Other options include almond oil and sunflower seed oil.  Canola and other cooking oils are nicht good (that means bad).
3. Work out your formulation.  Castor oil is the active ingredient, and the proportions of castor to carrier oil depend on your skin quality.  I have about 30% castor oil for my oily skin.  Dry skinned types are recommended to go down to about 10%.  You may have to play around to find your variation.
4. Consider adding Tea Tree Oil if you have acne issues (like moi [sorry, just watched the Muppets movie and Miss Piggy is influencing my writing])
5. USE IT!  
1. Rub a generous amount all over your face.  Really massage it in.  This website recommends meditating on how beautiful your skin will be while you rub that oil in.  I don't do that because it takes too long and is silly.
2. Let it sit and soak in.  I usually massage in the oil, then rub the excess oil into my hands and cuticles (because, you know, "waste not") and then brush and floss my teeth to give it time to soak nice and deep.
3. Steam it off!  To do this, get a face cloth, soak it in hot water, and place the cloth over your face.  Let it sit until it cools.  Repeat.  Maybe massage the cloth gently into your face a little (but don't scrub!). Do this a few times.
4. Sometimes I then splash my face with water to flush everything out.
5. If you're feeling a little tight and dry after this, rub a tiny amount of oil onto your face and leave it there.
6. VOILA!  YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL SKIN!

PS: I just read the end part of the article on that website I linked to, and it says you shouldn't do this every day.  So far I have been with no problems, so... liars?

Just look at it

Hey, I just did something awesome on my other blog!  CHECK IT OUT.  NOW.